Posts Tagged ‘expecting a child’

The Baby Clinic
When a mother is expecting a child, this is the beginning of an exciting period; a time of ‘expectation,’ followed by the birth and the baby’s first year. It is a special event every time, but particularly with a first child. Parenthood is `born’ along with the child, bringing all sorts of new tasks and experiences with it.
Baby clinics are located at health centres in virtually every town, and have the important task of monitoring the children and helping parents to look after their young children. In addition to ordinary baby clinics, there are also some clinics based on the approach used in anthroposophical medicine. In general, these are linked to anthroposophical medical practices.
All the work of these clinics is concerned with providing preventative care for children from birth to the age of four or five years. In general, this means providing help and support for parents to promote their child’s health.
The doctor and nursing staff at the clinic devote their attention to the physical and psychological development of your child. They ask questions and examine the child to check for certain disorders: for example, growth or psychomotor disorders; disorders or malfunctions of the cardiovascular system, lungs, kidneys and reproductive organs; ear, nose and throat disorders-, disorders of the abdomen, arms and legs; disorders of the teeth, and visual and hearing disorders.
At anthroposophical baby clinics, the constitutional characteristics of the child are also examined, and the personal characteristics and features, which might indicate a particular approach for medical and/or educational measures, are considered. After all, no child develops in accordance with the statistical norm. It is only by examining the individual developmental opportunities and problems of a child that it is possible to give appropriate advice. This is not so much a matter of preventing disorders, but of helping to ensure that the various developmental stages of the child follow each other in an appropriate way.
In addition, the baby clinic is an important place for parents to ask questions, as advice is offered on different subjects, including feeding and growth, upbringing and looking after the baby, physical and psychological development and the issue of inoculations.

The advice on children from birth to one year which you will find in this book is in line with the care provided by anthroposophical baby clinics, and may differ from the advice given by ordinary clinics, and is related to the views held by the doctor and nursing staff regarding the developing child. In Chapter 2 of this book you will find the viewpoints which form the background for the practical advice. This may be helpful when you want to make your own decision in a particular situation. However, this book serves to supplement rather than replace the supervision of the baby clinic. Whichever clinic you choose, it is important that you discuss any concerns you have, and express what you want, at the clinic.
We hope that the various subjects discussed will encourage a conscious approach to parenting and be helpful with regard to understanding, and living with, a developing child.

Pregnancy
Dufing pregnancy, the mother-tobe is in a very special condition, both physically and psychologically. There are all sorts of indications of a reduction in her level of consciousness, which may be manifested by drowsiness, diminished powers of concentration, dizziness, light-headedness and a floating sensation. At a physical level, there is a loss of muscular strength and a loss of tension in all the involuntary muscles. For example, the intestines work less effectively, which can result in constipation. There may also be changes in the action of the kidneys, blood pressure and pulse.
In a way, this whole condition resembles sleep. You could say that a pregnant woman floats between a waking and sleeping state and feels dreamier than she did before. Nevertheless, many women feel very well and active at the same time.
Pregnancy can be divided into three terms, each of roughly three months’ duration.
In the first three months, the woman’s organism has to be ‘transformed’ into a pregnant condition, or, as described above, the organism has to achieve a state between waking and sleeping. The fact that this is an intensive change is clear from the fact that the first three months of pregnancy are usually accompanied by nausea, vomiting and tiredness. It is during these months that the egg is fertilized, becomes embedded in the womb and the foetus starts to develop. It is a relatively vulnerable period of pregnancy in which miscarriages are fairly common (10%). See p.102 folic acid.
The second three-month term is usually the easiest. The pregnant woman becomes used to her condition, can do all sorts of things and does not experience much physical discomfort from the foetus. The foetus has become ‘firmly established,’ as is shown by the small number of problems during this period.
During the third stage, the physical manifestation of the child becomes increasingly clear, with a large stomach being the first sign of this. The discomfort which a pregnant woman experiences when bending down, urinating, feeling full after a meal, being unable to move, run, laugh and sit, reveals that the child has a clear physical presence. The foetus now becomes more vulnerable again. There may be bleeding or even a premature birth. At the end of this period, birth is often experienced as a real release.
When the woman has given birth, all the symptoms of the condition between waking and sleeping gradually disappear again. Only if she breastfeeds will this process be slightly postponed.
An overview of pregnancy reveals that the pregnant woman achieves a condition where she ‘makes way’ for the child to come; in which the child establishes a place on the way to birth. In a way, the expectant mother becomes less ‘earthly,’ while the child becomes increasingly ‘earthbound.’ From this perspective it is, therefore, not surprising that expectant mothers experience moments of contact with their unborn child. After all, both are in an ‘interim state;’ a state between the earthly world and the world that the child is coming from.
If we try to approach the woman’s pregnancy in this manner — taking the idea of ‘making way’ seriously — it is clearly understandable that during pregnancy a woman often finds it difficult to tolerate direct
confrontation with the world around her, and even tries to avoid it altogether. ‘Listening’ to her inner self is the best guideline.
It obviously goes without saying that alcohol and smoking should be avoided because they are known to affect the development and growth of the unborn child, and medicines should only be taken after consultation with the doctor. In addition, a natural, healthy and varied diet is clearly important for both mother and child.
To prepare for breastfeeding, it is a good idea to apply Weleda iris jelly to the nipples every day to prevent the skin cracking during breastfeeding. Stretch marks are largely dependant on genetic factors. However, it makes sense to keep the skin, particularly around the stomach and thighs, supple during pregnancy, by rubbing the skin twice daily with Weleda arnica massage oil. If there is a sensitivity to arnica, it is possible to use Weleda calendula massage oil.
The birth
Experiencing the birth of a child is one of the most intimate experiences in life. Feelings of astonishment, joy, anxiety, fear and fulfilment are experienced to extremes during the birth. Obviously these are most intense for the woman who is having the baby, but the family members and obstetric staff attending her fully share in the intensity of feeling.

It starts with the excitement and anticipation of what will happen when the waters break or the first contractions start. Getting everything ready, the support and help of the midwife during contractions, the constant question of how far the process has advanced — these are all part of the active and busy atmosphere of birth. However, sometimes there are also moments of near serenity and tranquillity; an atmosphere of relaxation, trust and complete surrender to what is to come.
The birth takes place in these recurrent and alternating periods of intense activity and intense tranquillity. Everyone attending the birth finds that a unique atmosphere develops as a result of these alternate emotions, which can go on for many hours. It is an incomparable atmosphere, evoking feelings of deep wonder and awe.
The focal point of everything that is going on is the mother-to-be. She is in touch with the deepest natural forces in her body, and is in danger of being overwhelmed by these natural forces, with an intensity which rarely occurs in life. She may also feel that she does not have the strength to give birth on her own, and may be very grateful to accept the instructions of the obstetric staff, so that the sense of impotence can make way for a sense of trust in the successful end of the birth.
When the cervix is fully dilated, the moment arrives when she can
THE BIRTH    15
use all her strength to help the child to be born by pushing it out. Just before this moment, it is quite common for the woman’s consciousness to be almost overwhelmed, and then return quite vivdly with the first push. This stage of pushing the baby out is extremely hard work, even though sometimes it only requires one big contraction.
From the moment that the baby’s head emerges, the atmosphere changes immediately. All attention is focused on the delivery of the rest of the baby, who eventually experiences light, air and gravity for the first time, is placed on its mother’s stomach and swaddled in warm nappies (diapers). If not giving birth at home, you should check with your midwife or consultant to see if it is possible to have a warm cloth to swaddle the baby in. All eyes are on the baby; the noises, movements, eyes and hair. Everyone feels an urge to touch the baby and stroke it.
Then the obstetrician focuses on the last part of the delivery: cutting the umbilical cord and delivering the placenta.
The whole birth is only really complete when the mother has been washed and cleaned up, and is holding the pink, warm, swaddled baby in her arms, and is surrounded by everyone who was present at the birth. The whole spectrum of emotions is experienced, together with a sense of satisfaction, gratitude and respect for the forces that play a role in the birth process.

The birth described above is probably the birth every parent dreams of. And yet, no two births are the same. The life of every person starts with a unique event; the delivery. Some children have a difficult start, for example, if the birth was induced too early, the baby was born prematurely, or if the delivery involved a great deal of medical intervention. In the UK most babies are now born in hospital, but it is possible to discuss your birth plan beforehand with your midwife or consultant.
For parents, the fear about the baby’s health or being overwhelmed by a premature birth can obstruct the feelings of wonder and gratitude described above. Sometimes it may be a while before you can start to love your child in a relaxed way and feel an obvious connection with it, particularly if you feel unsure or anxious. This takes time, so you must try and take the time that is needed. If you were admitted to hospital, you can organize a sort of second birth experience, so that when the baby comes home, you can get used to each other, feel each other, and build up a new life together. Many parents have described that this helped them to recognise the healthy aspects of the child and his lust for life.
Parenthood
The birth of a child is an intense experience for the parents, particularly
the birth of their first child. In fact, it brings about many changes. Before the birth the parents had a relationship with each other, and after the birth they have suddenly become parents and formed a family. Obviously, they still have a relationship, but the partners no longer relate exclusively to each other. In particular, the mother focuses body and soul on her child. After the birth it may be a very long time, sometimes as long as a year, before she feels her old self. Consequently, owing to the new situation in which they find themselves, parents have to redefine the way in which they relate to each other.
This process is extremely demanding because the father and mother are involved with the child in very different ways during pregnancy and birth, and during the initial period after birth. The father may have a tendency to continue his old life with some modifications, while the mother has a deep sense that everything has changed. It may be a while before the partners find a new way of relating to each other on the basis of these two different worlds of experience. It is important to take time for this process and talk about it together from time to time.
What was described above applies particularly for the situation in which mother, father and child(ren) form the family. Where there is a one-parent family from birth, this process will particularly concern the mother.

After the birth, another process starts as well in that all parents discover themselves in a new way. They experience new positive feelings, although they can also have a negative character. A child brings happiness and joy, but there are also moments when irritation reaches unimagined heights.
In the whole range of emotions evoked by a child, feelings of anxiety have a special place, giving rise to questions such as: Am I doing it right’? Will anything happen to my child or me? Will everything be okay?
Every step in the child’s development is another step out into the world. From the age of three, the child even ventures beyond the horizons of the parents; he walks around the block or goes to school for the first time.
Some people are more sensitive to these anxieties than others, but since this anxiety is fruitless — and can really make life difficult for a child — something should be found to counterbalance it. Sometimes gaining an insight into the situation helps to diminish the anxiety, but often this is not enough. In order to tackle the anxiety in a structured way, it may be necessary to work on strengthening the parents’ confidence. Obviously this does not mean blind faith that ‘everything will probably be alright.’ It is not as simple as that. It means that it is possible to work on the confidence about the direction in which the
PARENTHOOD    17
child is moving, even though unexpected and undesired events may play a role. White anxiety is often ,our own problem,’ confidence can become a strength, which allows the child to flourish; having confidence in someone gives them the strength to grow.
In addition, a child often gives us a new sense of self-awareness: with his behaviour and imitations, he holds up a mirror to his parents. From the age of a few months you will see that a child assimilates the world by imitating it. The child copies everything he encounters, both internally and externally. For parents, this means that what they do and how they do things is important. Whether we do things hastily or with care, whether we do things unwillingly or with joy; all these aspects permeate the actions we perform and are unconsciously assimilated and imitated by the child. This also applies to what we say. Long before the child can understand our words, he will be aware of our intentions. Experiencing this, and occasionally having the things which we do and say, and how we do and say them, reflected by a child will lead to self-awareness, and possibly to a change in our way of being and doing things.
In positive terms, a child stimulates us to develop ourselves as well. There is also a third process. By experiencing the development of a small child and feeling co-responsible for him, it is possible to focus on your own childhood. Some things from your own childhood can lead to the feeling that ‘I want to do things for my children like that as well,’ while at other moments, you feel that ‘I want to spare my children this or that.’ Sometimes this encounter with your own past can be quite intense. It’s good to know that it is not unusual.
Just as we re-examine our own past, we also start to have a different
view of the future; in a sense looking to the future through the child. The future shines through the small child and urges us to determine the structure for that future.
Above, we have highlighted a number of the issues which will confront every parent; the redefinition of the relationship with their partner and other members of the family, a redefinition of themselves, and a new view of the past and the future.