Posts Tagged ‘mucousy’

What can I do to help?
partners at the birth
Should I be with my partner as soon as she goes into labour? I’ve heard that first babies take ages.
It’s true that first labours often take quite a few hours, although this is certainly not the case with everyone! When your partner notices signs that labour is beginning, such as a mucousy ’show”, the waters breaking, or irregular period-type pains, she may wish you to be with her. On the other hand, she may be happy to be alone, or with a friend or relative,
and keep you updated by phone Whether or not -you are there really depends on how she feels so good communication between the two of you is the key.
Once your partner is having regular, painful contractions about every five minutes, it would probably be best to be with her, if you aren’t already It is usually around this time that you should be making your way to hospital, if that is where you are planning to have the baby, or contacting the midwife if you are planning a home birth.
I feel very panicky about getting my partner to hospital on time. How can I calm down?
Your anxiety is understandable. However, not many babies are born on roadsides or in hospital car parks — that’s why these stories make their way into newspapers and magazines! It is hard to advise on a definite time to go into hospital as every labour is different and follows a slightly different pattern. However, as a general rule, you should think about going in to hospital if:
•    Your partner has had any vaginal bleeding.
•    Your partner’s waters break (see p.167), She may notice this as a gush of fluid from the vagina, or a more gradual leaking.
* Your partner’s contractions (which are often described as strong period-type pains that are
accompanied by a hardening of the bump) are lasting around 45 seconds each and coming regularly, at least every five minutes.
If you or your partner are unsure about how to proceed, don’t hesitate to give the labour ward a call. An experienced midwife can tell a lot about how far into her labour a woman is likely to be just from talking to her about what is happening.
I’ve heard lots of stories about blokes in the labour ward - I want to be helpful, but I am nervous.
Many men are very anxious about being with their partners during labour and birth. This is often due to the fact that they will be watching their partner experience one of the most intense things a woman can ever do and they may be unsure of how to help
Probably the best way to help overcome your fears is to talk to your partner about how you feel and try to discuss ways in which you could help. You will probably find that there are plenty of ways in which you can support her, such as being aware of her wishes and speaking for her if she is unable to because of the pain, repeating what midwives and doctors have said if she didn’t hear or process the information, passing her a drink, rubbing her back, holding a flannel to her face, switching music on or off, and generally encouraging and reassuring her.
Attending birth preparation classes together can be very useful You will be able to learn more about the process of labour and birth, which can be helpful, and you will learn about how to support -your partner both physically and emotionally. Some classes teach birth partners massage techniques that can be an effective form of pain relief during tabour You will also be shown how you can support your partner in certain birth positions. Your partner’s midwife will be able to advise you on classes available in your area.
I really don’t want to be there - how will I tell her and who should go in my place?
Honesty is the best policy, so you need to talk to your partner about your concerns well in advance of the big day. Although she may feel disappointed at first that you don’t want to be there, she should appreciate your reasons if they are valid ones. Perhaps you could try to reach some sort of compromise whereby you will be with her during the earlier stages of labour, go out for the actual birth (if you are worried about this), and then come back in again straight afterwards to support your partner and meet your new baby
It is up to your partner who else she has with her during labour Women often choose their mum, sister, another female relative, or a close friend to be with them However, if she can’t think of anyone suitable, you may want to consider hiring a doula, who support women in labour (see p. 196); there are websites that can help you with this (see p.310). Your partner may also wish to have more than one birth partner, which most hospitals are happy to accommodate.
What should we do when my partner goes into labour?
Although it is often hard to define when labour has started, if the signs are that your partner is in the early first stages of labour (see p.167), you can both continue with normal activities as long as she feels comfortable. Being aware of how labour progresses and how contractions build up can help you to plan your course of action. For example, if your partner’s waters have broken, established labour usually follows within a few hours (although not always) and it is best to inform the hospital
While you wait for the contractions to become stronger and more regular, try to relax as much as possible between contractions You could make a healthy snack for you both to provide fuel for the hours ahead, practise breathing and relaxation techniques together, or run a warm bath to help your partner relax Once the contractions are around every five minutes and last about 45 seconds, you may wish to consider going into hospital, if that is where you are planning to have your baby. Ring the labour ward first to let them know what is happening
Is massage useful, or will my partner find it irritating when she’s trying to cope with the pain?
Many women find massage, particularly of the lower back to be very helpful during labour. The sensations of warmth and pressure can be soothing and give some relief from pain during labour. Massage stimulates the body to release endorphins, which are the body’s natural painkillers, and also acts as a ”distraction” from pain, providing another focus Communication is the key when it comes to massage. For example, your partner can tell you whether she wants to be massaged during contractions. or just between the contractions, or whether she wants firm or light pressure. You will probably learn simple massage techniques during birth preparation classes, or you may find some classes dedicated to massage techniques for labour. Ask the midwife what is available in your area
It can be the case that some women find that they do not want to be touched at all during labour If your partner feels this way, try not to take it personally -this is her way of dealing with the pain
Apart from massage, are there other ways I can help my partner cope with the pain?
Every woman’s experience of pain during labour is different, and they will have different ways of coping It can be difficult to know in advance if a particular coping technique will help, but many couples find
it helpful to talk before labour about how they might feel, and how the partner may be able to help. While some women find massage beneficial (see above). others will need help to focus on keeping their breathing slow and steady It’s worth practising labour positions that require the support of a partner before the actual birth (see p.182 and p 186). Having some favourite music on in the room may help your partner to relax Above all, most women appreciate encouragement and gentle loving support from their partner, and just the fact that you are there will go a long way in helping her to cope with the pain and exhaustion of labour and birth.
My friend’s husband won’t be at the birth. She wants me to be her birth partner. How can I prepare?
It’s a great privilege to be asked to be a birth partner for a friend and there are plenty of things you can do to prepare for the event. Obviously you will need to talk in advance about your friend’s expectations for labour and familiarize yourself with her birth plan if she has prepared one (see p 149). It’s important to be sensitive to your friend’s wishes, for example does she want you to remain with her throughout, or would she like you to leave the room if she has an internal examination? Talk to her about how she thinks she might react under stress and in pain - is she likely to shout or perhaps become more withdrawn? - so that you can prepare yourself mentally to deal with this. It would also be wise to find out as much as possible about what birth entails - the different stages of labour and what can help or hinder them. You could suggest attending antenatal classes with your friend so that you feel fully informed. It may also help to talk to someone else who has been a birth partner and who may have some useful tips. Bear in mind that you may need to be with your friend for a fairly lengthy amount of time. so you may want to have some provisions for yourself, such as snacks and drinks. You may also need periods of relief during the labour, and there may be times when you feel your morale is flagging. in which case it can be a good idea to have someone on standby who you can phone for encouragement and support.
How will I feel when I see a male doctor examine my partner? Will I feel jealous?
If labour and birth are straightforward, it is unlikely that your partner will need to be examined by a doctor. It is only if there is some concern over the wellbeing of either your partner or the baby, or both, that a doctor’s opinion is sought Even in this situation, an internal examination is not always necessary.
If your partner did need to be examined, you would probably find that you would be too worried to be aware of any feelings of jealousy Doctors, whether male or female, have only your partner’s and baby’s health in mind when they are performing any kind of examination.
I secretly want a boy - I haven’t told my partner - how will I cope if it’s a girl?
This is certainly not an unusual feeling to have and I think that many prospective parents have a preference, secret or otherwise, for a baby of a particular sex While it may take you a little while to become accustomed to having a baby of your less preferred” gender, you may well find that you have no problems at all bonding with the baby if it is a girl Seeing your own newborn baby for the first time is something that no-one can prepare for, and many parents feel a strong rush of emotion straight away. Others take a little longer to fall in love with their baby, and this is fine too.
Whichever sex your baby is, it takes time to get to know him or her. You will probably find that you relish watching every little movement and expression,
touching and stroking his or her little body, and will enjoy learning about all the different aspects of baby care. By being involved with your baby from the beginning, you will quickly experience the joy of parenting your son or daughter
I can be quite panicky in stressful situations. What if I pass out?
The image of the father-to-be fainting onto the floor of the delivery room is often portrayed in cartoons and on birth congratulation cards, but it is far from funny if it actually does happen! Fortunately, it is probably much less common than you may think.
It is understandable for any birth partner to
feel anxious and tense — you are watching someone you care about in pain, and you are m unfamiliar surroundings experiencing probably the most significant moments of your life! Focusing on your partner and attending to her needs may help to keep you occupied and distracted and less likely to dwell on your own anxieties. Also, developing a trusting relationship with your partner’s caregivers will help you feel able to express any worries you are having, and hopefully you will be given the reassurance and information you need
If you do find yourself feeling even the slightest bit woozy, try and leave the room as the midwife will be focused on caring for the mother and baby If you do not have time to leave the room to seek help, and you feel faint, dizzy, or light-headed, try to sit down immediately, with your head lower than your hips, or lie down with your feet raised Try to stop yourself “panic breathing” (breathing quickly and lightly), and take slow, deep breaths You should find that the feeling passes quite quickly. The midwife will probably ring the buzzer for assistance. A good tip is to ensure that you are not too hot — take shorts and a T-shirt with you as delivery rooms can be quite stuffy — and make sure you eat and drink regularly to prevent your feeling faint due to low blood sugar.
Our little boy suffered a lack of oxygen at his birth. He is fine, but I’m anxious about this delivery.
Unborn babies are designed to cope with a moderate lack of oxygen during the birth, which is quite normal Some babies do suffer a greater lack of oxygen, and midwives are often alerted to this by observing the baby’s heart-rate pattern If there is any cause for concern, the baby can be delivered quickly either by forceps or ventouse, or by a Caesarean section In most cases, the baby is born in a healthy condition, or responds quickly to resuscitation after the birth.
Every labour is different and there is no reason why your next baby should react to labour in the same way as your first, but your baby’s heart rate will, of course, be monitored very closely, so you should feel reassured by this.
Will I be able to help the midwife cut the cord after the birth?
It is popular for the baby’s father, or another birth partner, to cut the umbilical cord after the birth. Midwives and doctors are usually happy for this to
happen, as long as there are no problems with the mother or baby that would necessitate the cord being cut very quickly
The cord is tougher than most people think, but the midwife will guide you and show you how to cut it safely. Be warned that it usually takes quite a few attempts to sever it completely!
Will I be able to video or photograph the birth and do I need to agree this in advance?
Most hospitals are happy for you to film or photograph the birth of your baby if that is what you both want However, before you embark on this, you should first check that the midwives or doctors who will be conducting the actual delivery have no objection, as some professionals do not wish to be filmed for legal reasons.
While some couples treasure having a visual record of probably the most special and momentous time of their lives, other couples prefer to start filming or photographing their baby after the actual birth. It is important to consider the impact that being filmed or photographed at such an intimate and vulnerable time could have on your partner, and she should not feel in any way pressured to be filmed Also, it might be worth thinking about how filming the event may affect your actual participation in the birth. If you are concentrating on filming or taking photographs, you may not be as involved in the birth as you could be and may not be providing your partner with all the support that she needs.
When planning how to record the birth of your baby, bear in mind that clear communication between you and your partner before the labour, and with the midwife and doctor once labour has started, is important to ensure that everyone’s wishes in this matter are respected
Can we take food into the delivery room?
Most hospitals are happy for you to bring your
own food and drink into the delivery room, although most are able to provide your partner with light refreshments should she want something It used
to be the case that women in labour weren’t allowed to eat or drink, but nowadays this is not the case. Research on the subject has concluded that it is perfectly safe for women to control their own food and drink intake during labour
However, hospitals don’t tend to provide food for birth partners, so it would be wise to pack plenty of snacks There is usually a canteen on the hospital campus somewhere but getting supplies from there may mean you are away from your partner for a time Alternatively, vending machines may be available.
What and how much your partner eats should be guided by her appetite. She should try, however, to stick to light, easy-to-digest foods that will give her plenty of energy, such as fruit juices, bread and honey, dried fruit, digestive biscuits, or bananas. Once labour is well established, it is likely that she won’t feel much like eating as her body needs to focus on delivering the baby,
I’ve heard that natural or water births are best for the baby. Should I ask my wife to have one?
Most childbirth experts would agree that a straightforward vaginal birth is the safest form of birth for both mother and baby. It is also generally considered safe to use water as a method of relieving the pain in uncomplicated labours (see p, 156) However, it is sometimes not possible to achieve a straightforward vaginal delivery due to certain situations that can arise during pregnancy, labour, and/or the actual birth If a problem with either the mother or baby occurs, the medical team will advise on the safest way of delivering the baby.
It is important that your partner thinks herself about the type of birth she would prefer and does not try something she is uncomfortable with. So it is not really your job to make decisions on behalf of your partner, and it’s also wise to be prepared to be flexible and to see how labour unfolds.
My wife doesn’t remember much about the birth. How much should I tell her?
It’s best to be honest about your memories of the labour and birth, even if this was a daunting experience for you both. You are likely to be the best person to explain to your partner about how she coped, and sharing your memories may help her to feel comfortable about expressing her own emotions about the birth, particularly if it was fairly traumatic. In this case an important part of your partner’s (and your) acceptance of what happened during the birth is to recall the sequence of events and to try to understand why things went the way they did This is especially important if you feel that your partner’s care didn’t go according to the birth plan. If this is the case, you may even want to talk to the midwife who cared for your partner during labour and birth about what happened. You can ask her to go through your partner’s notes with you both and explain exactly what happened. You can also ask for a postnatal ”briefing” to discuss the birth by contacting the head of midwifery at -your local unit.

Extra birth partners

Most hospitals are happy for women to have more than one birth partner, although some do set limits, depending on the amount of available space.
* It’s common for women to have their mum, sister, or close friend with them in addition to their partner.
* If labour is particularly long, having more than one birth partner can mean that they can relieve each other for breaks knowing that the mother has someone with her, * Some evidence suggests that having a female birth partner reduces the amount of pain relief and intervention needed.

Birth partners
The aim of a birth partner, whether this is your husband or life partner, a friend, family member, or hired doula, is to offer practical and emotional support to you throughout labour and birth.
How can birth partners help? As a birth partner’s role is to support you through labour and birth. it is important that they are aware of your wishes and are prepared to liaise on your behalf or keep track of events when you are not able to. It is important that they are knowledgeable about the stages of labour and have discussed with you in advance ways in which they might help, whether through practical support such as massage or helping you with labour positions, or by offering you encouragement and reassurance
What is a “doula”? Doula is a Greek word that means ”woman servant” or ”caregiver”. Nowadays, this refers to someone who gives emotional and practical support to a woman before, during, and after birth. The aim is for a woman to have a positive experience of
pregnancy, birth, and early motherhood This help and support is extended to the partner and other children Doulas can offer support in pregnancy which gives time for the family to get to know her, In labour and birth, she can help with massage, suggesting different positions, liaising with professionals, and giving emotional support. After birth, doulas can help with feeding and baby care, as well as care of the mother, Some do housework, prepare meals, and entertain older children.

Your role as go-between
One of the most important roles of a birth partner, whether you are the baby’s father or someone else chosen to be the birth partner, is to be aware of what is happening during the labour and birth and to liaise with the medical professionals on behalf of the mother if necessary There may be instances when you or your labouring partner don’t understand why a certain course of action is being taken, and your partner may be in too much pain, or too preoccupied with labour, to be able to ask.Your job is to talk to the midwife or doctor and gather information about what is happening. This means that you will both feel fully informed about what is happening in labour and will be able to participate in any decisions that have to be made about the labour or birth.

Remaining calm

Even though the birth of your baby is one of the most memorable and exciting events of your life, it can also be hard to witness your partner’s pain and to stay calm under pressure. * Being mentally prepared to see your partner experience considerable pain can mean that you are more likely to respond in a reassuring, rather than anxious, way. * Breathing and relaxation techniques can help you to stay calm and focused too. * If you do start to feel flustered, it may be wise to leave the room briefly, if there is an opportune moment, to refocus.