Posts Tagged ‘planning’

Do babies need all this stuff?
shopping for your baby
What will I need for my baby after the birth?
For hospital births, it is recommended that you pack a labour and birth bag for yourself and a bag for the newborn baby You will need some clothes for your baby: vests and all-in-one stretchsuits, or babygrows, are easiest, especially when learning how to dress
and undress your baby. If you are in hospital for several days, you will need at least three stretchsuits and vests A baby blanket and/or a shawl can be useful and, depending on the temperature in the ward, your baby may need a hat, but be careful that she does not get too hot. Your baby needs an outdoor jumpsuit, or jacket and socks and soft booties, for when you leave hospital Any footwear should be loose so that it does not restrict your baby’s movements or circulation.
Most maternity units expect you to provide your own nappies, and one packet is usually enough. You may also need some cotton wool to clean your baby, If you choose not to breastfeed, many units provide formula milk, but this varies across units, so check what facilities are available before the birth.
You will need to have ready a baby car seat, as most hospitals won’t release you without one and the law requires that your baby travels in a car seat.
When is the best time to buy the essentials? I’m nervous about getting anything too early.
Many parents feel superstitious about buying baby items too early, especially if it is their first baby or they have had a previous difficult experience. However, some planning is needed as you may find that by the end of your pregnancy you are too tired to shop. You should also leave enough time in case you need to exchange items Try to buy items gradually. First, buy items that you will need for the
baby after the birth; these should be ready by the 37th week of pregnancy, although many parents have these by about 34 weeks. Other essential items, such as buggies, should be in the home before the birth (see right). Once you have bought the essentials, you can purchase any additions when it suits you, which may depend on how mobile you are after the birth and your access to shops. Many parents shop online as shopping with a baby can be difficult
I don’t have a lot of money - do I need to buy everything new?
Having a baby does bring financial pressures and so it is sensible to acquire second-hand items, whether handed down from friends and relatives or bought. Clothes in particular are worth acquiring secondhand as babies grow out of them long before they have made full use of them and most mothers admit to buying more clothes than necessary, so quite often you can receive second-hand unused items.
One of the main items parents worry about getting second-hand is the cot mattress. Some experts believe that you should buy a new mattress with each baby to reduce the risk of cot death (see p 276), while others believe that if the mattress is clean and dry this is not necessary, so this is a matter of preference.
What do I need to consider when choosing my baby’s mattress?
It is important for your baby’s wellbeing that you
buy a mattress that is the correct fit for your sleeping equipment So, for example, if you are using a cot, the mattress should fit the cot properly with no gaps between the mattress and the cot sides that a baby could get stuck in. As it is also important that the mattress is clean, dry. well aired, and firm, it may be preferable to buy a new rather than second-hand mattress (see p 136)
My mum wants to buy us something. What can I suggest?
The gift will depend on what you need, your mother’s budget, and what she would like to spend it on. You could plan a day shopping together and decide on the day, or you could browse a baby catalogue together for ideas. It also depends on whether the gift is for you and your partner, or for the baby Good gifts for mums include underwear, nightwear, a photo frame or album, or a baby album or naming book If your mother wishes to purchase something for the baby, this could include clothes, a baby bath, a sterilizing kit and bottles, a cot, a car seat, or a pram/buggy system.
Do I need a pram/travel system/buggy? Help!
Most parents are unsure about what type of transportation they will need for their baby and, as there are a number of options and types available, this can make choosing the right item difficult. You will certainly need to have some type of travel equipment for your baby and what you choose will vary depending on your circumstances. If you are mainly a car driver, you may want to consider a car seat that attaches to a pram, or a car seat and travel cot If you intend to walk a lot, you may find a lightweight pushchair or buggy more suitable What you choose should be practical, and within your budget, so it’s worth having a look around in shops and online to compare different models.
Is it OK to get a second-hand car seat?
Generally it is thought best not to use a second-hand car seat as you cannot be certain of its history and it may have been in an accident or damaged Car safety experts suggest that if you must use a secondhand seat, only accept one from a family member or friend, and then only if you are absolutely certain that you know its history that it comes with the original instructions, and it is not too old. They strongly discourage purchasing a car seat through a secondhand shop or classified advertisements.
Do I need to buy a cot yet, or can I start with a Moses basket?
It may help to think about the amount of space you have and where you want your baby to sleep. A Moses basket has the advantage of being small so your baby will feel snug and may settle sooner than in a cot, and it also means that your baby can sleep beside your bed. Some models come with a rocking motion so you can rock your baby to sleep while you are in bed A disadvantage is that your baby will grow out of the Moses basket after a few months. Once your baby starts to sit up, there is a danger of falling out of the Moses basket as the sides are low
At some stage you will need a cot Although at first your baby will look small in the cot and may feel less secure, there is plenty of growing room and your baby can stay in the cot for at least a couple of years (some cots convert into beds and last even longer) Some cots are available with adjustable bases, making it easier for you to put your baby into and lift her out of the cot. You will need a bigger space for the cot, which ideally will be in the baby’s bedroom.
What bedding do I need?
Most parents choose sheets and blankets. Cotton sheets can be used in layers along with a blanket, so that you can add or remove layers to keep your baby at the right temperature If your baby sleeps in a Moses basket or carry cot, you should buy sheets designed specifically for these It is important to get the right fit so that your baby is not too exposed or too covered up. Nowadays, many parents opt for baby sleeping bags (see
below). If you use a sleeping bag, you will still need a few bottom sheets for the cot.
What are the pros and cons of baby sleeping bags?
Baby sleeping bags, also known as grow bags, baby sacks, or sleep sacks, have been around for 25 years but recently have become more widely used (see
p 280). They can be used without other bedding with the baby in a vest and sleepsuit. Many parents prefer these as they keep the baby covered, regardless of how active they are during sleep, which in turn helps the baby feel secure However. the Foundation for the Study of Infant Deaths warns that you should avoid oversized bags as a baby could slide down inside, and although they can be used for newborns, some manufacturers recommend waiting a few weeks or months before using one to avoid this risk
Which baby monitor should I choose?
Baby monitors first appeared in the UK in the early 1980s and today there are over 400,000 on the
market, so choosing one can be daunting Although monitors vary they have the same basic component -a minimum of two units one to transmit your baby’s sounds and one that stays with you so that you can monitor your baby. Additional features include dual channels, a moving lights-sound display a sensor pad, low power and an out-of-range warning, the option to use mains or batteries, a talk-back function, and a temperature sensor. If they all have these features, it is down to personal choice and cost.
Should I buy disposable nappies?
Although many parents opt for disposable nappies as they find them more convenient, particularly when out and about, nowadays many people look for a more eco-friendly alternative, as disposable nappies, dumped in landfill sites may take hundreds of years to decompose Also, it is estimated that it costs parents about E2000 to use disposable nappies for each child You may want to investigate the different options (see p. 140).
What baby changing items do I need apart from nappies?
You need a waterproof changing mat that wipes clean. Some parents use warm water and cotton wool to ciean their baby’s genital area and bottom, or you can use baby wipes. You may also want to use a cream to prevent nappy rash. As well as the essentials, you could buy some oils (see p.219) and use changing time to massage your baby’s skin.
Should we put a dimmer switch in the nursery?
The benefit of a dimmer switch is that you can control the lighting, so that your baby’s eyes can adjust slowly However, a dimmer switch is not essential, as long as you have access to a soft light, such as a lamp or mobile that can project light
Should we buy a baby bath or can she use our big bath?
A baby bath is useful as you can use it in any room. Most parents area bit apprehensive when they first bathe their baby, and even experienced parents say that it can be tricky to hold a wriggling baby safely while trying to wash them, so using a smaller baby bath helps you to develop confidence For newborns, a washing-up bowl can also suffice. However, a baby outgrows a baby bath by around six months and the bath can take up a lot of storage space. Once your baby can sit up, at around four to six months, you could use a bath seat in your main bath, or enjoy a bath together as long as you keep the water tepid
I want to breastfeed, but should I buy some bottles just in case?
The problem with having bottles to hand is that it may weaken your resolve to breastfeed, and evidence shows that women are more likely to continue breastfeeding if they do not have an alternative readily available Having said that, if you wish to give your baby some water, or to start expressing once you are breastfeeding confidently, then you will need some bottles
I plan to bottlefeed. What do I need to get in advance?
You will need plastic bottles (teats are included), a sterilizing unit or kit, which often has everything you need. and your preferred formula. Each comes in a range of options, so you need to decide what works best for you As you get to know your baby, you may have to change the type of teat and/or formula, so it is not advisable to buy too many before the birth There is a range of sterilizers available (see p 239).

Baby clothing
When buying clothes for your newborn, bear in mind that babies grow very quickly, so buy just a few items in smaller sizes Choose easy-to-clean, machine-washable natural fabrics and avoid fussy styles with ribbons or tricky openings, opting instead for easyto-use poppers Essential clothing items for your newborn include,
3 or 4 vests.
4 or 5 all-in-one sleepsuits, or babygrows, with front-opening poppers
* A snowsuit or jacket for outdoors, or a cardigan for warmer months.
* A woolly hat in the winter months and a light hat for your baby in the summer.
Loose-fitting bootees or cotton socks.
A blanket or shawl for outdoors.

Essential items

As well as clothes and nappies for your newborn, there are several other items that you will ideally have ready before the birth.
* A cot or Moses basket for your baby to sleep in and a clean, dry mattress. * Suitable bedding for your newborn! either lightweight blankets and sheets or newborn baby sleeping bags.
* A pushchair or buggy to transport your baby You may also want a sling to carry your baby around.
* A baby car seat if you are travelling with your baby in a car.

Will life ever be the same?
special situations
I don’t have a partner, but I want this baby - will I be OK if I go it alone?
This may be a worrying time for you, but you might find it reassuring to know that many women do have babies on their own Although it would be wrong to pretend that this is as easy as it is with two parents, with additional support it is possible. You may also have very strong reasons why you want a baby, for example, increasing age, and this determination will give you strength and focus
It will be a great help too if you can find someone to talk to and confide in. This could be your mother, a close friend or relative, or perhaps a tutor. As you are making far-reaching decisions about your future, it’s important that you have support, accurate information, and time to think things through without
fear, panic, or pressure from others. Finding somebody you really trust and who you know can give you support when you need it, especially in labour, may help to relieve a lot of the pressure you are under and enable you to think more calmly and clearly about your situation and make plans as to how to proceed. A confidential service known as Care Confidential (see p 310) offers support, advice, and information for women during pregnancy
It’s worth bearing in mind too that your birthing partner doesn’t have to be the baby’s father; they can be anyone you choose
I’m pregnant and still at school, will I have to leave school?
No, you will not have to leave school, and in fact you are expected to complete your schooling to
the normal school-leaving age at the end of year 11. You should tell a senior teacher about your situation as soon as possible so that you can plan your education during your pregnancy, It may be possible to alter your timetable as you get further into your pregnancy, and you will probably get some home tuition for the few weeks just before and after the baby is born. You are allowed to take time off school for antenatal appointments, but if you are not well enough to attend school for more than a few days because of the pregnancy you will need a note from your doctor or midwife.
In some parts of the country there are education units set up specifically to assist pregnant teenagers where midwives provide antenatal care and help girls to continue their education during and after their pregnancy. Ask -your midwife or doctor for more information on these. You could also contact the government-run organization Connexions, which offers advice and support to all 13-19-year-olds in their education decisions (see p.310).
I’ve just started university and now I’m pregnant - my parents will be furious. What can I do?
Most young women feel a strong mixture of emotions when they find out they are pregnant, with many feeling terrified of telling their parents and worrying that they are somehow letting them down. However, it’s important to talk to someone, and probably the best people to talk to are your parents. When you feel able, sit down and explain the situation to them. It may help to have someone else with you to help break the news. Although your parents’ initial reaction may be one of disappointment and shock they may feel guilty too, thinking that they have failed you in some way. Try to remind yourself that ultimately your parents love you and will most likely support you, although you may need to give them some time to adjust to the pregnancy,
If you feel you really cannot talk to your parents and discuss your options, try to find a trusted and supportive adult friend to talk to Alternatively, talk to a midwife or doctor, or a tutor from university whom you trust. Any of these people will have had previous experience of situations like yours and be able to offer impartial advice
You should be able to continue with your studies and many educational institutions have childcare facilities, such as a nursery or creche - pregnancy need not mean an end to your education plans. Being able to reassure your parents on this point will help them come to terms with your pregnancy.
My boyfriend said it was safe, but now I think I’m pregnant -who can I talk to?
Although there are times during your menstrual cycle when you are less likely to conceive, it’s important to understand that there are no guarantees and, if you are not planning a pregnancy, then it is always wise to use a form of contraception
It is frightening to find out that you are unexpectedly pregnant, but confiding in someone can help enormously. First, it is important to establish that you definitely are pregnant. Home pregnancy tests, purchased across the counter in any chemist or supermarket. are very accurate (see p.34), or you can get one free from a family planning clinic.
If you are pregnant talking to a close friend or trusted relative who you believe would give you support at this emotional time may be extremely reassuring. You could also talk to your doctor or, if you are not registered with one there are ”drop-in” health centres where you can talk to a health professional in confidence Although telling your parents may seem like a frightening prospect, you may find their support invaluable, and of course you need to talk to your boyfriend, who actually may be a great source of support too.
I know my mum cares but she wants to come everywhere with me - how can I tell her to back off?
Pick the right time, over a coffee perhaps, and try to explain sensitively to your mother that you need and want to do some things on your own Let her know that although you value her support, you also need your own space and time to reflect and bond with your baby, even during the pregnancy If you state how you feel now, this will also help to set some boundaries for after the birth
Although your mother may be upset at first and possibly feel excluded, with time she will most likely come to appreciate your point of view Ask her how her own mother reacted to her pregnancy when she was carrying you You may well discover that she was overprotective too.
I thought I was menopausal, but I’m pregnant. Our youngest child is 10. How will we adapt?
It is a shock to discover that you are pregnant when you thought your childbearing years were finished. Although fertility does decline fairly rapidly in your 40s, a pregnancy is still possible, and it is not unusual for women in this age group to believe they are entering the menopause when in fact they are pregnant, as symptoms for both are fairly similar Couples may also become more relaxed about contraception, believing that a pregnancy is unlikely So a late pregnancy is not uncommon.
The pregnancy affects not only you and your partner, but the whole family: it will take a while for all of you to adjust to the news, and many different emotions may be felt during this time. The most important thing is to keep talking so that any concerns can be ironed out rather than left unresolved Involve the whole family in your pregnancy plans to reduce jealousy and make everyone feel involved and needed.
It is important too that you give your children time to adapt to the news. Some children are delighted with a new pregnancy, while others are embarrassed and may need time to adjust. Your partner may experience a mixture of emotions
too, ranging from full-on excitement at being a new dad again to shock and disbelief, and maybe even disappointment Take heart, these will be temporary feelings, and no doubt as time goes on, and as your family adjusts, you will feel more supported.
You are probably aware that there may be some additional risks associated with your pregnancy, such as an increased risk of Down’s syndrome (see p.116). When planning your care, your midwife or doctor will take into account your age and explain the appropriate tests and care available.
It’s 12 years since my last pregnancy. Have benefits and care changed much in this time?
A lot has changed since your last pregnancy. You should take time to find out about current pregnancy
Preparing older siblings
helping your older children to adapt
If you become pregnant when your other children are grown up, you may need to take more time preparing them for the arrival of their sibling.
* Don’t be cross or impatient if they seem less than enthusiastic about the baby; they may be worried about the impact a baby will have on family life
* Reassure teenage children that you will still have time for them and that you won’t just expect them to be an unpaid babysitter. * Allow older children to express their concerns and take time to reassure them.
care as there may be tests and scans available
now that you were not offered in your last pregnancy (see p 116) Also, childcare provisions and maternity benefits have improved considerably over the last few years so, even if this baby was unexpected, it may not be such a bombshell after all.
My daughter is eight years old. Will she get on with the new baby or is it too big an age gap?
There is no right or wrong age gap between siblings and, often, how siblings get on together is more to do with their personalities rather than the age difference. Although they are likely to have independent interests, she is probably very excited at the prospect of a new baby
Our first baby is only 10 months old - how can I be pregnant again?
Usually, periods begin again between two and four months after the birth, but if you are breastfeeding, your periods may not return until your baby starts on solids, or even later. Some women use breastfeeding as a form of contraception and although it reduces the likelihood of pregnancy, it is not reliable. If you are breastfeeding, the time it takes for the return of ovulation depends on the frequency, intensity, and duration of feeding, the maintenance of night feeds, and the introduction of supplementary feeding The absence of periods does not guarantee that you are not ovulating, so there is a risk of pregnancy.
It is quite possible to ovulate within a month or two of giving birth, and not unknown to ovulate as early as two or three weeks following the birth. This is why midwives always discuss contraception in the days following the birth, even though some new mothers find this an inappropriate time to discuss family planning. Although you may feel daunted at the prospect of having two very young children, there are advantages to having a close age gap. Your children are likely to grow up as playmates and the period of sleepless nights, nappy changes, and of having very dependent young children can be dealt with altogether in a shorter space of time
I’ve left it too late for an abortion - is it wicked to let my baby be adopted?
Adoption is often dismissed as an option, but sometimes it is the best choice for you and your baby The nine months of pregnancy provide you with time to explore all options available to you, including temporary voluntary foster care During this time you will be able to talk to adoption agencies and social workers who can inform you of the process and support you. View this as a positive process, in that you care enough about your baby to find the best care at a time when you feel unable to be the one to provide this.
When it comes to making a final decision, bear in mind that it should not be made during pregnancy, since you are subject to a range of emotions and feelings and you have not yet met your baby or know how you will feel in the longer term. Talk to your doctor to find out more about the process, your rights, and your right to change your mind.
My boyfriend doesn’t want to know about my pregnancy -will he have rights after the birth?
Your boyfriend is quite possibly shocked by the news that you are pregnant but, given time, he may come round to the idea and be more supportive. Although it is a difficult and hurtful time for you, try not to overreact by denying access to the father after the birth, unless you are certain this is what you want. Once your boyfriend sees your baby, his attitude and feelings may change, so it could be worth giving him time to adjust It can help to seek support from trusted family members and friends.
A biological father does not have automatic rights to be involved in the upbringing of his baby if he is not legally married to the mother and he is not named on the birth registration forms. (If the parents aren’t married, the father has to accompany the mother to register the birth if he wants to be named on the birth certificate.) If he is named on the birth certificate, he has some basic rights in terms of access and has some financial responsibility for his child If you do not wish your boyfriend to have access then you do not need to name him on the birth forms. If he has been named on the forms and you decide later that you don’t want him to have access, you will need to go to court to seek a formal injunction and be able to justify why you require this. You should bear in mind the financial implications of your decision if you do not include him on the forms and whether this means that he would not be obliged to provide financial support for you and the baby.

Young mums and older mums
Adapting to pregnancy
Pregnant women who are older or younger than average are likely to have additional concerns about how they will cope with pregnancy and impending motherhood.
How will I cope as a younger mum? There are pros and cons to being a younger mum. On the downside. you may have more concerns about how you will cope financially and how this may affect your education or career, and you may be in a less stable relationship and be concerned about the possibility of separating from your partner, On the practical and physical side, you are likely to have far greater reserves of energy to cope with childbirth and babycare, and some younger mums have good support in the form of relatively young grandparents
What can I expect as an older mum? There are advantages and disadvantages to giving birth later in life. If you are over 35, your pregnancy will be higher maintenance and you will be offered a greater range of screening and diagnostic tests as there is a higher risk of complications for you and the baby (see p 116). As a result, you are likely to be more anxious during pregnancy Once the baby is born: sleepless nights and constant childcare may be more taxing than it would be for a younger mum with greater energy reserves On the plus side, women today are fitter than ever and plenty of older women have trouble-free pregnancies You are less likely to have financial worries, are more likely to be in a stable relationship, and be more self assured and confident in your abilities.

Avoiding isolation
building up a support network
It is important for all pregnant women
to have emotional and practical support, and this is especially important if you are in a vulnerable situation.
* Attend all your antenatal appointments and build a relationship with your midwife; she is an invaluable source of information. * Book yourself in for antenatal classes. If you are single, daytime courses may be less populated by ”couples this gives you a chance to build up a network of women, which will be invaluable after the birth * Don’t be too proud to accept offers of help from friends and family